Maybe this blog in and of itself is destructive. Maybe I should forget the idea. Maybe I should go back to the doctor for help. Maybe I should. But I won't.
This blog will contain no pictures.Nor will it contain my weight, neither present, past, not future.
It is more intended to help me vent. To put it out there for anyone who will read it. Maybe possibly one day to find the courage to say I don't want to be in the relationship anymore. Maybe one day. But not today....
Today started horribly. My body was aching. My throat swollen. My head throbbing. My shivers shook me right to the bone, even though my house was about eighty degrees. I have only fallen back into my old ways for a week now. And yet. They already have a strong hold on me.
I order a pizza to binge on, but I don't eat the crust because the crust won't come up as easy.
My dad makes red beans and rice. I don't take any rice. The soupy concoction will hurt less.
**Note: Don't ever throw up Cajun food! EVER! All the spices burn like a bitch and will leave you coughing**
I only eat one meal a day. And that one meal is just so someone sees me eat. Then I eliminate that food from my system.
I have no idea why I am doing this. Why am I choosing a slow and painful death? Why am I choosing to hurt myself and others who watch me fall? Why am I choosing to deceive everyone who loves me? Why am I being so selfish?
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