I tried to do right. I tried to be healthy. I got up this morning and fixed my father and I a big breakfast. Now I didn't gorge myself. Instead I ate a decent amount of a well rounded meal. I felt okay about it. I wasn't freaking out or upset. I had no intention of purging. And then she got a hold of me.
My girlfriend decided she didn't want to see me this weekend. She won't give me any reason. Just that she doesn't want to see me. She has "no desire to" and that she doesn't know when she'll want to again. Very few things have ever hurt so much.
My initial thoughts are that she doesn't wish to see me anymore because she no longer wants me.
But then... How could she? I am disgusting!
Crying I dragged myself to the bathroom, I was reintroduced to my egg and my peaches. The cranberry juice burned so badly coming back up.
It all burns
The scars on my throat being opened back up.
I can hardly swallow for hours after.
I start to see blood sometimes. I guess the toothbrush is cutting into the back of my throat
Coughing and crying I emerge from the bathroom. Feeling less attractive then before. Why have I done this? If she knew she would hate me. How could she kiss me knowing I had just vomited? How could anyone?
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